I'm not entirely sure, especially because, I mean, when I first told him about the transference a couple years ago, I thought it was just erotic (he kinda helped convince me it was mostly paternal). And a couple times since then, I've admitted that it's not all paternal/platonic. So this shouldn't be new information for him.

I think part of it was that he also mistakenly thought I was looking for an individual session during the phone call. And he said that if it had been romantic love, it would have been unethical for him to have had an individual session with me. (I then informed him that I was not looking for an individual session anyway!)

I have to wonder if he feels stranger about it now that he's widowed--it just seems he's been different about things with me since then.

I also really wonder if there's a bit of countertransference at play...I suspect some paternal for sure, but maybe something else, too? It's hard to explain, but the times it's just him and me (like H leaves session to go to the bathroom or when I'd run into him in the waiting room while there for ex-T), it's like there's this different energy that noticeably seems to shift when someone else (like H) comes back in the room. It may entirely be in my head, but I don't know...

But, yeah, I get your point that he should be able to handle my having romantic feelings, if that were the case. I think he just wouldn't want to keep that from H, where if it was all paternal, might be more OK to talk about just with him... It's all very confusing. Plus as a T, he should realize how romantic and paternal stuff can overlap, like tied into childhood. Like maybe it's more of an Oedipal/Electra thing than more adult feelings.