I think of Survival mode, as a way of coping, it is defenses we put up to protect ourselves, and we hang on to those defenses as long as we need to. Through therapy as you release some of the feelings, you will find some of the defenses do come down. And you can move past just surviving to a place where you can enjoy life, and not feel the need to keep your guard up all the time.

I know for myself, I lived along time just surviving, getting by day by day, but now slowly I look to enjoy each day.

Give it time.