True, it might be hard for him to explain it in a way that H would truly get it, not just say he does. I mean, I know quite a lot about psychology, and it's still kind of weird to me. Like, I can alternately (or sometimes at the same time) wish someone could be my father and my romantic partner?

It's just confusing because, as MC admitted yesterday, he hasn't been consistent with boundaries, like what's OK to discuss with him on the phone/over e-mail vs. in session with H, for example. I do tend to show H the majority of our e-mail exchanges and give recaps of the phone calls (maybe not every single thing, but the main stuff we discussed). So I'm not trying to block him out. It just helps sometimes to share some sort of transference-type thought with MC first before also sharing with H (whether in session or not). Which I know is probably not the best thing to be doing, but MC also has let it happen for a while...

I suppose it could be a case of MC reevaluating how he's practicing with us (especially now that I'm seeing a new T) and realizing that he's set some bad precedents, but I'd rather he be open about that. Which I guess he was yesterday a bit...It's just still difficult and confusing when boundaries change, whatever the reason. Because that can really damage trust. Like, if you changed this, then what else are you going to change? When? I don't think MC understood at first why a change in the boundaries felt like a rejection, because he kept saying "I'm not rejecting or abandoning you." Then I think he started to understand as I explained it more.

I'm realizing the importance and value of a therapist setting more clear boundaries, including around outside contact, from the outset and sticking to them. This is how my current T is, and I felt annoyed by them at first because I was used to looser boundaries with MC and ex-T. But now I'm realizing their benefit because they help prevent these sorts of misunderstandings and shifts in boundaries that can feel painful to the client, especially if they don't know why they're happening.