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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I'm not entirely sure, especially because, I mean, when I first told him about the transference a couple years ago, I thought it was just erotic (he kinda helped convince me it was mostly paternal). And a couple times since then, I've admitted that it's not all paternal/platonic. So this shouldn't be new information for him
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When you emailed MC the day after the "love" email and clarified that you meant platonic/paternal, I get the feeling you did that because you were worried you had said something inappropriate. This is likely because professing your love for someone other than your husband - your marriage counselor, no less - is fraught was difficulty. I think, however, that your feelings ARE romantic... and that's ok. It's scary to admit because he is your marriage counselor, but your feelings are what they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I also really wonder if there's a bit of countertransference at play...I suspect some paternal for sure, but maybe something else, too? It's hard to explain, but the times it's just him and me (like H leaves session to go to the bathroom or when I'd run into him in the waiting room while there for ex-T), it's like there's this different energy that noticeably seems to shift when someone else (like H) comes back in the room. It may entirely be in my head, but I don't know...
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I think what you're trying to say is that you think he has romantic feelings for you, as well. It's hard to say out loud, I know. I don't think you'll ever know the truth. If he has feelings for you, he won't share it with you because it would be unethical. If he doesn't have feelings for you, he won't share it with you because his job is to focus on you and your H, not him. If he was an unethical therapist, he would have already divulged this information to you - thankfully, he is not.
I think you need to spend more time working this through with T, not MC. The answer is not with MC.