dear t,

okay, phew--survived the trip with the parents. i know that you and pdoc didn't want me to go at all, but i just could not bring myself to cancel on them. yes, the dynamics were super-stupid (i.e. them announcing that we were going on this trip to [exotic destination] as a congratulations gift even though i didn't want any such thing, therefore making me look like an ungrateful *$$hole if i put my foot down and refused to go). but i think i managed to keep some separation between their feelings and mine. a few times my mom said something nasty to me in response to some benign comment of mine, and i responded with, "that is not what I said. why are you intentionally misinterpreting me?" and she actually conceded and replied, "i know that's not what you said." (of course, one time i said, "mom, why are you in this mood? what did i do wrong?" to which she replied, "YOU didn't do anything," implicating my dad... the stronger thing would have been for me to resist the temptation to blame myself, but i give myself credit for at least working on it.)

and you will actually lol when i tell you about the sleeping arrangements--a physical enactment of my burgeoning belief that boundaries need to be constructed and maintained (even though my mother wants no such thing and takes offense at the very thought)

i actually didn't miss you too badly. that was nice. and i didn't ever feel the need to call you, which was also nice (especially since we've never spoken on the phone before, and i don't know if it would be helpful at all or what).

i think the thing that is really going to suck is when i come back from vacation and see you once and then not for another three weeks while *you're* on vacation. and i can't call you when you're home on vacation, which is totally reasonable--when i am on vacation i don't even want to acknowledge the existence of medicine or my patients, even though i love their guts--but also is going to be difficult.

i am now asking myself, "chihirochild, if you can get by with no therapy for two or three weeks at a time, why did you make such a big noisy fuss about needing therapy twice a week?" i am not totally sure how to answer that. i think it has something to do with being able to get by in a pinch but not being able to stay okay indefinitely? unclear.

anyway. here's hoping it will be all right.

-c