I cannot imagine what it is like for you right now. You must be feeling very alone without your husband to lean on when you need to do this with him. Can you have a freind or family relation come in and give you a break, even though it may be for a short period of time? Maybe having someone to talk to face to face who understands your situation would help. So a visit by a freind could be of help to you. I think you need to be given the opportunity to take care of yourself. Otherwise, how can you be there for your family?

I really do not know what to say that would be of any substantive help to you. I wish I was able to do this for you. Right now I have problems taking care of myself. However, I am here to listen. I think others here will listen and reply to you if given some time.

FWIW I know my situation is not anything like yours. Still, I recently though of running away myself. Life has turned against me over the last couple months. I know it will get better, but right now it is difficult and down right scary. So I think I have a little understanding of what you are going through, not much, but just a little bit.