You're going to be ok. This is a bad spot right now for everyone. You will make it through. Remember this, a lot of, probably most, people have an especially excruciating time during December. You aren't the only one in pain or suffering. Most of them hide it behind a mask. You can come here, to PC, to take off that mask. Out there, practice using your mask. Don't let anyone you don't trust know what you're feeling. Be polite, be witty, appear however it's expected of you. I do. I then come here or my very few other places, and become myself again. My family has only the tiniest idea how much everything stresses me out, because they'll tell me to "just suck it up and be a man" which is exactly the same as saying "we don't care how you feel." Guess what, and this is sad, those people don't care how you feel, because they're too wrapped up in how they feel. Isn't society crap? If you need the job, wear the mask. Come back here to crash if ever you need to. We'll be around for you.