So I started this thread by wanting revenge. I am not full of rage anymore, but I still want revenge!

People here have told me that the best revenge is living a good and happy life! And yes, I AM VERY happy with my new man!! He is helping me in so many ways and we're having SO much fun together. Things are developing between us and are getting a bit more involved and serious. And I am generally happy overall! For the most part.

BUT, I still have a desire for revenge! What is wrong with me????? I see a side of myself that I don't like! I am vengeful & vindictive! I want to get back at him and stab him in the heart where it counts, just as badly as he stabbed me! This is AWFUL! I HATE that I carry this around with me! And I consider myself to be a very nice person at heart! But I am vengeful!

I have not forgiven him in my heart yet! I have gained some amount of compassion for his problems and issues, but that has not led to forgiveness yet. I want to forgive him, very much so, but I am not ready yet.

ARGH. I am very frustrated with myself! Perhaps if I can forgive him then I can let go? Maybe I just need more time??? It still hasn't been all that long. Maybe time is all that is needed.... and maybe another true love so that I forget all about what's his face.

I am admitting something about myself that I don't like and don't want or need, so please be gentle and kind with me if you reply to this. Thank you!