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Originally Posted by mostlylurking
I wish LT's MC would have been good enough with boundaries -- consistent, professional, and having thought it all through in advance -- to be able to see her individually and continue with the marriage counseling. About 5 months into marriage counseling with my husband I started seeing our T individually, and we did not have any issues with this. I don't think all T's should do this, or are capable of doing this, but I think when they can, it can be helpful. I would expect that LT and her husband might actually have more time or attention when in session to focus on themselves, and meanwhile, a consistent T with good boundaries can help examine where the transference is stemming from.
Unfortunately I am not sure MC has shown that he can be that rock solid, consistent and professional guy that can handle both therapy relationships. I'm sorry LT, this is a really tough situation.
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Yeah, I wish this could have happened--but I think you're right, that he couldn't manage it well enough. Something that came up Monday (and has in the past) is how he doesn't want to take away from couples counseling to talk about transference...but as H pointed out, well, if it's interfering with the couples counseling, then we kind of have to address it in order to move forward and get stuff done.
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When you have had individual time with MC in the past, like the long phone call, does it make the transference stronger? It's interesting that what seemed to bring on the "love" email was something external. Yes the music may have reminded you of him, but it wasn't actually anything he did. Which makes me think it's really an idea, a concept, an idealization, something like that that your feelings stem from. Hopefully you can discover it with your T, I just feel frustrated on your behalf that it's not more possible to address it with the very person who's bringing it all to the surface-- MC!
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That's an interesting observation about the external thing making transference stronger. I think individual contact with MC--particularly phone calls--generally helps to ease the transference rather than intensify it. I think there's an element of not being able to address it that makes it stronger. The whole thing where if you're not allowed to talk about something, it can intensify. Whether a fear, romantic feelings, etc. (I'm speaking in general, not just about MC here). Which is one of the benefits of therapy overall--you can get all those thoughts out of your head to someone whose job it is to listen to them.
Two sessions ago, MC was saying how if I feel transference for someone, like a friend (is that even possible? wouldn't that just be having regular feelings?), then the place to deal with it would be in individual therapy, so the same goes for this. I said, "But in that case, the friend isn't a therapist. You're a trained therapist, so it makes sense to deal with it with you." He just didn't seem to get why I felt I should address it with him either instead of or along with T. But I feel like most stuff I've read about addressing transference in therapy talks about addressing it with the object of the transference, not an outside person.
And thanks for the support!