Went in today feeling depressed and closed off from my T. I've been feeling annoyed at him that he's not figured out how badly I'm struggling, it's felt like he's being very casual and I'm feeling desperate. Last night I was worried I'd go in and be angry at him, but I woke up feeling distant and depressed instead.

At the start of session, I didn't seem to know how to address that, so I just started talking about things I've been feeling and thinking about. It turned out that I had ample time to talk about the two main issues I've had on my mind. I was not as pressed for time as I'd feared. There is still a slim possibility he will have a cancellation later today or tomorrow, but I feel a lot better already, it'll be okay if he doesn't. At the end he told me he'll be available by email over the holidays and could even do a short phone call if I needed that, and I nearly started to cry again out of relief. I'm grateful that my usual feelings about him have been restored and things feel smoothed out.