Hi there, responding to some stuff...

"I have feelings for all genders, men, women, trans and also I have feelings for people no matter their orientation"

Sounds like the description of pansexual

"all of high school I pursued gay men and straight women."

Anything to do as to their masculinity or femininity?

Dom or sub/top/bottom/ a partner who is in control, equal, or you are in control?

"Who I prefer is almost as erratic as my bipolar, always cycling."

I think that's a harsh view of something that might fluctuate naturally, I think people like different people for all sorts of reasons, and that can change according to all sorts of stuff, like their actions, your interactions, ect I would think.

"I have always been firm for my feelings for men, that has never changed. I am in fear of what my ultra-conservative Christian grandparents and relatives will think if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, so my feelings of women are limited to looking and not pursuing."

Yeah that certainly doesn't help with trying to figure out who you are, that kind of inhibition.

"I have slept with a woman I had strong feelings for and enjoyed the intimacy, though I've never liked sex. I've had 8 partners since I turned 21 and none brought me close to orgasm."

That could be due to all sorts of factors

"It is an uncomfortable feeling to have intercourse, to receive oral, and to receive ****."

I'm wondering if this could be tied to how you're treated during sex; and how it lines up with your gender identity

"I enjoy giving oral on a man, but have not gone down on a woman and I am extremely nervous to do so to the point where I may not ever want to."

I was afraid to the first time too, I think that's a common normal fear. I tend to date my same anatomy but be attracted to guys. I have such body dysphoria over not having a **** that I really don't know how I can be with same anatomy, but it works, guess I don't need to know how lol. Also with that religious and/or family guilt you got going on that could really hurt your open exploration.

"All of my fantasies involve men. I never fantasize about a woman unless I'm looking directly at her. But in private my fantasies involve multiple men and that I am also a man whether I myself am a man or I am taking on the role of another man in my fantasies. I am an active member of the slash/yaoi/ship community. I like male pairings and always fantasize about two or multiple men together."

Same here, except I don't know about that particular community

"Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman."

Okay so I'm an ftm that doesn't want to go through bottom surgery because first of all, in America none of the surgery results are to my satisfaction, still can't ejaculate, and on top of alla that need a pump to get it up. It's risky too, all my parts work so that's nice, I don't want to take a risk like that. Not having a **** won't make me less of a man, I'll just use a prosthetic STP.

On your chest, yeah I straight up want the surgery. I have bad dysphoria, sometimes I'll wear a tank top and just pretend my chest is flat. That's a good day where I can ignore my dysphoria. I have an entire list of ways my chest makes me feel uncomfortable, I could post it here if you wanted as a comparison checklist, but I feel like you have some dysphoria going on. You definitely notice your chest it sounds like.

"Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both."

There are transman/ftms that transition beard and all and still want to be feminine. There are feminine cisgender guys. It's harder because society doesn't like that, but **** society lol.

"In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine."

See that's ******, not helpful at all. I had to get 'used to' being called 'he' before I even realized how much it fit me. That was in a supportive environment. So it's crazy to me to hear how much lack of support you've had trying to get to know yourself.

"I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up."

Also perfectly gravy, you could be non-binary/bi-gender/third gender/genderfluid, all of that is possible whether you transition or not lol. You have plenty of options