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Hey all. Hope evergone is well. I have been riding the mood waves pretty well basically unmedicated. Had a couple close calls but otherwise in control
Which brings me to now and a sudden irrational obsessive suicidality that has taken over my being
My mood is only mildly down and anxious but the SI has taken over. I have been suicidal even when euphorically manic so i know it happens even when it shouldnt but my question is what to do?
I feel like my life is done. Ran its course. Like its just time
But yet im scared of my own self because the feelings are picking up strenghth complete with constant images.
Im scared i will become impulsive against my very nature to keep breathing
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I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
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