Your description of depression is really powerful and rings true for me. I'm sorry you're going through this. Nobody should have to feel like the walking dead. I tried slowly tapering off of Zoloft last year and my depression and anxiety returned with a vengeance, so I'm reluctant to tell anyone that discontinuing an SSRI is a good idea. But everyone's experience is different. Maybe for you the meds are preventing you from having access to your feelings instead of allowing you to feel your feelings without your nervous system freaking out (my experience with Zoloft has been the latter). I would just work closely with your pdoc. Also, if you aren't in talk therapy, you should really consider it. My own experience is that the meds only do so much. I have a great therapist who practices a method called Internal Family Systems, and it has helped me immensely. There are good studies that show the combination of meds + therapy is better than meds alone.