I get that a lot! I chop it up to the Sz part of SzA as my affect is different then my actions/thoughts but it could be part of a mixed episode. I have a tattoo on my wrist because If I did that I would ruin my tattoo and I don't want to do that. Plus if I did do either of those things I'd have to explain I'm not suicidal but thought x was a good idea. They wouldn't believe me. Right now I'm having difficulty with my thoughts right now. I'm using lotion on the places I want to harm. It doesn't stop the thoughts but it's like telling my thoughts **** you. Which makes me smile.