Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassandclass
More of what I’m speaking of is persons with a steady, non changing pattern of discord and broken relationships. Toxic interactions, and disrespectful treatment of others. This is not a “first impression” type of situation. This can take a long time of watching people in their interactions before you’re able to truly decipher if they have the traits you find desirable as a friend.
Narcissists for example can come across as extremely likeable and charming. But they can be really manipulative, abusive, and toxic.
I never judge a book by its cover. Some of my best friends are people who I didn’t “hit it off with” right away. But time really fettered out their true colours and they proved to be good people who I wanted in my life.
What I’m saying is that you could try using your inner intuition, and let time pass while you watch how people are. Their true nature will eventually show itself.
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I appreciate your respond again, but I have to disagree with your view, that people in stable, long-term friendships are more trust worthy than people who have shorter friendships, etc. based on my own personal life experiences.
I haven't spoken to any childhood friends in more than 30 years. Does that automatically make me untrustworthy? Because I don't keep in touch with people I went to elementary, middle school, high school and college with? Life changes and relationships either continue or they end for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with a person's ability to be a good person to another person.
I am Facebook friends with people I was socially active with years ago, but eventually our social interactions stopped with each other, because our lives diverged for different reasons (they had children, they moved away, we grew apart, etc.). A friend I went to college with moved to another state; a close friend moved back to her country. Another friend got married and had children. So I never see them.
Does that mean I'm incapable of having long-term friendships? No, it doesn't.
I work multiple jobs. I have no time to socialize outside of working as a result. Does that mean I'm incapable of maintaining long-term friendships? No, it doesn't.
What I feel like your posts convey, is the belief (that you believe), that if a person doesn't come from a stable family background, with friendships that stretch far back to their childhood, then they are not someone to be trusted. I just don't agree with that belief, because of my personal experiences with people from all walks of life.
My social life ebbs and flows based on what's going on in my life. I don't think it's fair to limit people to the standard that unless they have maintained friendships since they were kids or in high school, that means they aren't capable of being a good friend or someone to trust. I definitely wouldn't fit your criteria. And yet I went to grad school.
I started this thread to vent about how scary it can be for me to assert myself after living my life as a codependent doormat to other people for so long. But the more I practice assertion when the situation calls for it, the more I realize it's my right to set boundaries with everyone I talk to online or in person, so that I don't let them take advantage of me.
I think it's good to have different opinions and to share them in conversations like this. But I get frustrated when people who respond to me, expect me to always have to agree with them 100%. I don't think that's fair.