I have worked really hard to move forward in my plight but I am so ****ing confused about what is going on. It is like you are backing away from me. I told you it feels like you are not validating me as much, not doing something because I feel like I can't get any relief. What happened to the connection?

Me: I feel like you are frustrated with me.
You: I understand that.

I know I am both dependent and independent, two ego states. Are you experiencing both sides of me?

I feel responsible for the awkwardness. And the issue at work. If I would just shut the **** up, I would be okay. If I didn't tell you how I reacted, you wouldn't have felt awkward and in turn, I wouldn't feel counterawkward, and in turn, we wouldn't have lost the connection. But it's gone. And I am the one paying for it, no one else. Everybody else gets to walk through the raindrops unaffected by me, I am affected by everything it seems. I ****ing despise it. A part of me wants to build a fortress around myself with no drawbridge, it wants to be alone. A part of me feels like it needs others and it wants you to go back to who you were. But who am I to want that? I am of no consequence.

I get that it seems that both parts of me are oozing at the seams.