I forgot to add that after my appointment with my T, I called & left a message saying I was in a bad space. When she called back, I said I was in a bad space (having thoughts of sui), but when she asked if I was safe, I said, "Yes." That's a form of manipulation. Because I was afraid of being petitioned, I was putting my T in an awkward position (it felt like a form of emotional manipulation.) I have had vivid plans for sui from time to time since the depression kicked in bad, but I'll never go to the hospital again...especially against my will. I'm puzzled, once again, about how I talk about my issues without feeling like I'm being evasive or emotionally manipulative.