I lied to my Ts about relapses with my addiction (more than once) and another, more practical, very important thing that I procrastinated dealing with for years. Eventually I came clear about both (to the relevant person) because I felt too ashamed and disturbed to hold it in anymore. It was disturbing especially because I felt like wtf am I investing that money and time for if I just go there, chat, and pretend progress? Admitting them was actually much easier for me than maintaining the lies - it took only a minute and then a huge relief vs living with the lies for weeks/months. Some I wrote down in an email and other times I just decided to tell the truth upfront in my next session, and then I did. None of them were a big deal then, the Ts thanked me for sharing and left it for me to decide how much more I wanted to talk about them.

There are many things I did not share with Ts about myself, but I don't consider those lies because they were not stuff I wanted to address in therapy. But the two things above (addiction and procrastination) were on top of the list I went to therapy for in the first place, so those were highly relevant. It was definitely worth breaking the lies just for the relief it brought.

It was also interesting to ponder why I lied at all. It wasn't out of fear of judgment for me, not even shame very much - I knew the Ts would not judge or shame me more than I already did myself. It was because I wanted to create an image that I am competent, can progress and resolve things more easily than I did in reality. And that was a meaningful conclusion, because it is quite characteristic of me in life in general. Not necessarily lying a lot, but having a strong drive to be, or at least appear, competent, independent and a good problem solver with minimal help. It strengthened my motivation to go against the usual inner conflict and reach out for help when I am stuck more often.