Whenever I have deliberately lied, it seemed mostly about me being not able to acknowledge the truth to myself. For a long time, I could not say who my perpetrator of CSA was, at times I deliberately stated it was someone else. At some point I told her I lied and she was accepting of it. She said it was only important that I tell myself the truth and if I needed to lie to her so be it. One of the purposes of a therapist-- someone you can lie to when necessary.