To Mom,
I lived with self hatred long enough. You abused me physically and emotionally.
You had my brother hold me down while you beat me.
If the police hadn't showed up because of me being black and blue daily I doubt I would be here today.
I don't think I can ever forgive you or even send you this.
You told me you drank because of me.
You gave me presents then took them away and gave them to my brother.
You said I was a rotten kid and at least my brother turned out good.
How can you tell a 12 year old this...
Your last words to me "A mother bird throws a baby bird out of the nest, it either lives or dies. Good Bye." and you kicked me out at 17.
You have spoken bad of me to anyone that will listen.

Why didn't you love me even a little? I tried so hard.

You will be happy to know my life has not been a pleasant one:
I have had every addiction imaginable.
I deal with suicidal thoughts and self hatred daily.
I am insecure and antisocial.
I almost never leave the house.
I feel ugly on the inside and the outside.
I have never found love and can't even keep a friend.
I am alone.
This should give you comfort that you did indeed give me what you thought I deserved.

I am still traumatized to this day, so many years later.
I will no longer be a victim.
I will exist even though you wish I didn't.
I will find happiness even though you don't think so.
I will find love even though you don't think so.

Your Son