> So the dream I am sititng waiting for T and I look across my bedroom to a cabinet that holds lots of boys clothers.

So it is like your t/mum was mis attuned to YOUR needs for comfort. Maybe... Nothing was provided for you (the clothes were for her son/grandson), or maybe... What was offered to you was inappropriate for you (because you are a girl and not a boy).

> as I leave the room T in her pj's also comes in and says I didnt come in because YOU didn't want to connect with me.

So you got blamed for your not feeling connected with her, even though she was mis attuned to what she needed to provide for you such that you would be able to feel connected to her.

Maybe... Your adopted mother felt rejected by you. Maybe she didn't understand that she didn't provide things that were appropriate for you to be able to feel connected to her (e.g., girls clothes). Instead she provided things that you were unable to use to feel connected. But maybe... She didn't see this, and didn't know why you guys weren't closer... And people try and blame (must be my fault? must be her fault?) when it was unfortunate that she didn't know what to provide for you...

?

What do you think?