mouse, that was a thought provoking post for me.

this part especially:
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experiencing the non-understanding of how my behaviour kept mum/T away??? I mean mum was the adult she surely could have still made that effort

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I have a problem connecting with my youngest daughter--has been difficult if not impossible for years. She is rejecting, hostile, pushes me away. I try to "listen" to what she needs from me, but obviously I am not getting it right. I try so hard and experience constant hostile rejection from her, but still I go back for more. Sometimes I don't want to try because I am just so hurt and have had enough. I know I would not try so hard if the constant rejection and ill treatment were from a friend or an acquaintance or co-worker. But for goshsake, she is my daughter! I mustn't give up. The child therapist working with my kids for the court evaluation tells me I give this daughter too much space, that I should not allow her to push me away as much as I do, that I should get right back in there no matter how much it hurts and no matter how negative the reaction from her will be. It is hard....

Mouse, your post makes me feel even more committed to not giving up on this. I need to keep trying to connect with this daughter! It sounds like somewhere inside, as a child, you wanted to connect, but weren't able to, for whatever reasons. And now you are experiencing that connection with your T. It sounds very healing...