Hello Delvere: It appears you're still pretty new here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!

Having read your post, the only thing I think I can say is that this is all very complicated... and, I'm afraid, fraught with dangers. My recommendation, for what it's worth, would be to forget this new guy & focus on figuring out what you want to do about your current relationship. Then, once you've finally figured that out, you can then decide where to go from there.

I see you're in Europe somewhere. So I don't know what's available to you in terms of mental health services. But, if possible, I would think some individual counseling or therapy for yourself, & perhaps some couples counseling for you & your husband might be helpful. In some way or another you're going to have to find a way to work through all of this. And talking it through, at length & in depth, with a skilled counselor or therapist may be the best way to proceed. The thing you want to avoid, I believe, is simply allowing all of this to continue to rattle around in your brain, so to speak. Doing so is only likely to make it seem all that more confusing. I wish you well...