The first thing I said was, "I'm really struggling." I need to do that more often, be really honest about how I'm doing. Sometimes I go in and I am so used to needing to be together out in the world that I have a hard time unbuckling the armor in the therapy room. That's the whole point of going to the therapist, to talk about all of the raw stuff, and it let her know what I needed today.

She uses a lot of affirming and joining language when we have a session like that. It helps. I just needed her to listen and comment her thoughts and say "That's hard" and help me sort through my thoughts. I thought I was asking a question to get more context and understanding, but listening to her response I realize I was really asking a grieving question, an unanswerable why couldn't things have been different question.

(And it didn't feel like she was distracted. Not a peep about insurance or being busy or anything else, which was a relief.)