I have been a cutter since the 8th grade... so thats what, 13 years old? I'm 22 now. So thats going on 10 years.

And it has been off and on. There were times when I was just ok for awhile, and times when I thought that I had quit. There was once a realization of how it hurt other people when I did it... that was when I felt the most appreciated by others and actually saw the selfishness of it.

But then I fell into yet another abusive relationship and since then that mindset has been out the window.

And when it started, I feel like it was more valid and legitamate than it has become. It started when I had nowhere to put extreme oppressed anger and depression, when I couldn't show or feel any emotions or it made me "crazy." Of course it turned into an addiction, we all know thats what it becomes.

Now it takes so little for me to want to. I also started getting into piercings.

I love the endorphins. I don't even feel the cuts anymore... but a short time later I feel the rush of the chemicals in my brain.

And I dont feel the need to stop. I just don't see the point. Its so normal to me now. How can it not be? Its been almost a decade. I have no desire to stop. I have friends who know... and they tell me not to... but nothing really actually gets through to me. The whole thing has lost its impact. Its not serious. I don't care.

This is probably bad.

Thoughts?