Thanks. Yes, I want more support from her but I canīt tell her how to give me that or exactly how she is going to respond to me when I tell her things. It feels a bit like she wants me to tell her how she is going to support me and thatīs impossible as itīs her who should know about therapeutic techniques and be able to feel the situation, not me.
I understand how you mean about the expression "it is how it is" and that it can mean many things and to me itīs more of an expression for not feeling that itīs of so much use telling her about my problems. I get the feeling that she thinks altering things "within me" is a solution, which it can be but there also has to be a deeper understanding beneath things like unemployment, worrying about the future and such. The solution isnīt just talking about how to look upon things differently or similar like this therapist seems wanting to do.
I could tell her what I wrote in this thread but in a way I donīt wanīt to critizise too much and I still donīt have an answer to how she should respond to things I tell her, itīs her who should know how to be supportive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
What I hear you saying is that when you tell the therapist things you want to be able to feel like she understands you and your situation. You would like more feedback and more support (advice?) about what is going on for you and ways to move forward.
But what I hear you planning is to tell your therapist something that you don't really feel, or are not really at peace with. I use the phrase "it is what it is" quite a lot in my therapy because there are things that I am truly accepting of. I may not like them, or I may want something different that what actually is, but I understand that for whatever reason it really is just how it is for that moment and nothing can be done to change it right there and then. For me it truly is a statement of acceptance. that is how I say it and that is how my therapist understands it (as far as I can tell).
So I am struggling to understand how planning to say those specific words in a very specific tone to convey a very specific message (which will be open to gross misinterpretation) will help you. You have very clearly articulated what you don't want and what you do want in this thread. What would happen if you were able to tell her what you have said here?
The thing is you want to feel understood and you want her to offer more support and advice, and the fastest most sure way of helping her to understand you is by telling her directly. Planning to say a specific phase in a despondent manner in the hope that she will be able to figure out what you want is a crapshoot.
|