Hi everyone,

First time here, feel free to give me your comments on what you think of this confusing yet magnetic relationship that I'm currently involved.

Let’s start with some facts:
I'm 34 yrs old
"Linda" 28
"Joey" 28 (her husband)

I’m a 34 yr old guy from Ct, I met this girl "Linda" at work and we were friends (not close friends) for 3 yrs before we start seeing each other. It's been a little over a year since we've been having an "affair". Allow me to quote that for a minute so I can explain.

Her relationship with him: Their connection has been above and beyond anything I ever heard of. That’s what’s primarily keeping them still together. The have other issues, but as she said they are minor ones or at least fixable ones. Their primary issue has always been their sexual life. She has tried many things for their sex life to get better but it has never change. This has always been their case from day one. Yet their connections have kept them together over the years. (7 yrs now) They're best friends and they still love each other. But he understands there's an issue with their sexual life.

My relationship with her: Everything started with a night going out, and a kiss. We continued seeing each other although the physical relationship never occurred until she had the first talk with him. She asked him if she could exercise a physical relationship outside their marriage since theirs wasn’t working. He surprisingly agreed as long as she didn’t fall for anyone. Obviously that didn’t work well. Once he Okayed it, we kept seeing each other and time changed this "sex relationship" into a magnetism that neither of us felt before and a second relationship. We tried breaking up a few times but that only lasted a few days. We missed each other and before you know it, we were back together again.

We both realized that we were doing the wrong thing and I advised her to go see a therapist or to talk to him about what's going on because we couldn’t be doing this for much longer. Days turned to months and months to a bit over a year before she had a second talk to him. This was when she told him that she had been having a second relationship. She understood this needed to be done but she kept putting this issue behind because of the fear of losing him, and her fear that the connection that she feels for him would go away. She also feared to lose one of us. She says she loves us both.

Now we're at the present time. Once he found out about her other relationship, he obviously got upset, but they finally had a talk. (I guess) he realized that it was going happened. He understands they have an issue, but he believed so deeply that everything is fine. Every conversation they had in the past about it, ended up nowhere. Neither of them knew what to say or do about it. Recently he has suggested that maybe they should separate for a year and see how it goes and try that. But nothing has changed. Again she fears to leave him. Yet she has told me time and time again, she does not fear that I’d make her happy or that I would disappoint her. She just wants to make sure she has exercised every option she has to make sure she’s doing the right thing.

I asked her recently a couple of questions:

If she'd go to a therapist, and he/she was to ask her if she wants to fix her marriage what would her answer be? She replied. Ideally I'd like to fix it but realistically I don’t think it can be fixed.

I asked her a second question.
If you want to fix your marriage, why do you want to be with me?
She replied: "Because at the beginning it was just sex, but now I love you, and I don't want you to go away"

My first obvious thought/s is that she wants him and I’m only the back up option. (Sucky feeling). She also mentioned before she commits herself to me 100% she wants to make sure that she tried everything she could for her marriage.

Now when I hear that, I feel happy in a way because that's what I'd like from my wife if we have problems like that. I'd like her to fight hard before giving up. (Although her husband doesn’t seem to be doing a damn thing about it) he just agreed to go to therapy with her if she wants him to. But on the other side, am I just being gullible and sitting around for no reason? I know in my heart she's being honest to me. In fact she's honest with everyone. Well, With the exception of not telling her husband 100% of the truth from the beginning.

So my question remains, am I on the way? Should I just walk away? Is she ever gonna get to the bottom of it? I admit that I carry much of this guilt because I feel that I’m the reason their marriage isn’t working. She assures me that this issue already existed much before we got together. Their sexual life as my understanding is and has been once a month or so since their beginning of marriage. At the beginning I was that door, that empty space that she needed to fill up in her life, but now I seem to be much more to her as she is to me.

Presently she’s looking to find a therapist to talk to; I hope she doesn’t drag her feet on this. I love her, but sometimes when I’m in the shower or driving I think of what if this drags for much longer. I don’t want to hate her no matter what happens. I don’t even want to think of what I’d do if I have to move on. Truth is that I’m giving her all the time in the world for her to find herself and I can only hope this doesn’t bite me in the *** but only time will tell. I can only hope that I’m doing the right thing instead of pressuring her. Please feel free to comment on this. Sorry if I made this too long.