I feel like I've already dominated this thread, but going to do a brief(ish) recap of T on Wednesday anyway...

Sat down, I volunteered, "I'm actually doing OK, I think." T: Tell me about that. Me: About me being OK? T: Yes. Me: Uh...so session with MC went better than I'd expected Monday. I then gave a brief recap of part of that.

I said how I knew he'd e-mailed a bit with MC, but MC had said it had just been about logistical things. I said before he'd said that, I'd worried about what he might have shared with T. Like, I know he'd never say these words, but I worried he'd say to T, "That b**** be crazy!" T said that yeah, he could totally see a short Jewish guy with a Long Island accent (actually New Jersey, but close enough) saying that! But also saying how they hadn't talked about anything like that. I said how MC had said T hadn't given him any sense that he didn't want to keep working with me, and I hadn't gotten that sense either. T confirmed that to be the case. And said how it was clearly a sign of my insecurities--I agreed.

The topic of resolving transference came up. T said he didn't think it was necessarily about processing it with MC--but maybe more about the real source of it, my parents. He said he didn't remember if he'd brought this up with me or just "thought really loudly about it," but there was the idea of bringing my mom (and/or dad) into a session with us. I said he'd mentioned that before, and it was something I'd been thinking about. So we discussed that possibility a bit more. And what could potentially be accomplished (and not accomplished) by that. Plus some other stuff about my mom.

Ended up back on the subject of MC. I commented on how he'd (presumably) mistakenly said "countertransference" instead of "transference" a few times in session. T said he would have had to see full transcript to know if it was by mistake or intentional. He talked a bit about countertransference in general, saying how if I was looking for paternal stuff from MC in a session, MC might realize afterward that he was acting more father-like toward me than usual. Then he'd think about it later and realize it was his reaction to what I was doing/expressing. But T said that’s something therapists aren’t supposed to deal with in the session, but on their own.

T also acknowledged how MC was kind of sending me mixed signals—like saying I can share any feelings with him and it would be OK…but then acting oddly when I shared the love feelings. It made me feel better that he recognized that (instead of just defending MC).

With about 10 minutes to go, he asked if he could bring something up that was related. I said OK. He said he wondered if there was still a value in seeing MC, particularly as far as marriage counseling is concerned. Like…maybe it’s sort of too far gone to really be effective marriage counseling anymore. Six months ago (or even more recently), I would have starting sobbing at that suggestion--but not this time.

I said I wasn’t sure, that I’d thought the same before. And how H at some point (in past year, when I'd asked him) had basically agreed to keep seeing him because of my transference, even though he (H) didn't necessarily think we needed as much marriage counseling anymore. T said it was interesting because it suggested H thought maybe it wasn't effective marriage counseling anymore either.

T then apologized, saying he realized he'd taken us to the end of session time with that. And was I OK ending there? I said I was, but I'm curious as to what he would have done if I said I hadn't been (might ask him that next week...) He asked if I was OK waiting till next week to see him, and I said yes. We scheduled for the Wed. after Christmas (Dec. 27).

We went over to his desk, and I made a comment about wanting to pick the right credit card, because some were closing at the same time. He said, "Closing?" with some alarm, and I said, "Oh, just when the statements close. Trying to not have everything due at once." and then he seemed to get it. (I think maybe he was worried they were canceled or something?)

Finished paying. Usually he keeps sitting at his desk for the good-bye and handshake, but this time he stood up. He held out his hand, and I shook it as he said, "Have a good Christmas!" Something about it felt very warm. I said, "You, too." As I was turning to go, he said, "I hope everyone likes the presents you got!" I said, "Thanks, they've mostly from Amazon!" and he laughed. He said, "Take care," and I said, "You too," then headed out.