Well... That was kinda what happened to me as a kid, I guess. Rupture. Inadequate repair. Thats how come I'm damaged :-(

It is possible that there won't be a repair, yeah.

But... It is more probable that there will be this cycle, yeah. And that seeing it happen over and over will help it not be so painful when there is rupture. 'Cause you will start to trust that the repair will happen (and carry an internal representation around within you) and.. Get better at self soothing.

In the meantime... Grieve if that is what you need to do. And try and nurture yourself. Like how you would nurture a small kid who needs their mother...