I've had to deal with my grandmother's death in February of 2017 and it has been hard. My best friend, who is at times like my little sister, was always there for me and still is.

Things have changed now though. During that time, she was my only friend and I was just an acquaintance of hers. I was not the one she would share anything with.

The thing with her is, she doesn't share everything with a single person. One of her friends knows about what makes her angry, one knows about her insecurities, one about something else and so on. All of them are mutually exclusive i.e., she doesn't tell her insecurities to the one she shares her frustrations with and so on.

Here comes the change. From being a complete acquaintance, I'm the guy she shares her insecurities with. I'm the one she turns to when she needs fitness advice. And this has become too much for me to cope with.

I mean I love it. I love to have someone who wants me in their life. But my brain keeps telling me she's lying to me and she's only with me because it's not her choice.

I know it is her choice to stay with and by me. She stopped talking to another guy because she didn't want him in her life. I asked her about this yesterday, and here's how the conversation went.

Me: *Something about a guy named X*
Her: I've stopped talking to him
Me: Why?
Her: He got too clingy
Me: More than me?
Her: I didn't want him in my life, I didn't need him either.
Me: So do you really need me in your life?
Her: You're the one I can talk about whatever crap I want to and never fear getting judged

Now, I was elated after this. This wasn't the only time she told me she actually wanted to spend time with me. It has happened multiple times but my brain keeps nagging me saying she doesn't like me.

How do I get it under control?