Carrie,

Yes, that was it, but it's so automatic that I don't even think about it. The kids (or someone) do something that hurts me, so I just go hurt myself. That's not the only reason - I was ready to anyway. My T asked about emotions this time - something like where do the feelings go. I said that I just ignore them and pretend they don't exist until it gets to be too much, and then I take them out on myself physically. Sometimes the breaking point is higher or lower than at other times, so sometimes it gets set off pretty easily. Yesterday I was having urges to show the cuts to a coworker and swear her to secrecy again, but I managed to resist that. So many of the girls cut, it wouldn't be anything new, except it's not supposed to be the staff who do it.