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Originally Posted by seesaw
I have to say that your feelings to your husband do not seem very empathetic. Depression is not a choice, yet you talk about it like it is his choice to be depressed when you say it "isn't really my kind of thing." Depression isn't anyone's kind of thing. I don't know anyone who would actively want to feel this way, and it is completely out of my control, and your husband's control, to have depression or not.
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As I explained in previous post, my husband seems to be more depressed than me, even though it should be other way round. My husband has had a stable home, both of his parents are still together, he has always been well fed and well dressed, lived in a secure place etc. Whereas my life has been a mess, where violence, poverty, unstability etc. took place. Many of my childhood friends are dead. I know hunger, which I experienced in childhood. I had nothing else to eat other than rice, which was brought by humanitarian help.
I can tell a lot of other things. Yet, for some reason I am not depressed to extent my husband is? I try my best to understand it. And I am impacted by my culture with negative attitudes to depressionm. Maybe that's why it's somewhat difficult to feel compassion to my husband.
I feel like I have achieved way more than he did, and I wish he also would strive for achievements and had the same fight spirit as I have. But he doesn't really, and it makes me to resent him.
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Please just remember that this is a mental health forum, and most of us on here have some mental health disorder and MANY have depression. Saying it "isn't really your kind of thing" like it's our choice to be this way is kind of offensive.
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Yes, sorry that I sounded offensive and rude. I am familiar with depression, I too have episodes of worthlessness, willingness to jump from the bridge etc. It's just I have a spirit of a fighter and a rebel, and this is why I don't give in to depression. But I can relate somewhat to those suffering from depression, yes, although I could do better.
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On to the other parts of your story: it seems really interesting that the second you were away from your husband you fall in love with the first stranger you meet. And then he also is sick, possibly an alcoholic, and in need of therapy.
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Actually this is wrong assumption that I fell in love to the first stranger I met. It is kind of implying that I don't go out of home at all, don't meet or see strangers every day etc. In reality, I see and meet strangers almost every day, since I live in a big city and I attend university. My campus is probably attended more by males than females, since it is focused towards STEM fields. So in reality, I have the opportunity to see and meet dozens of young, hot students and stuff. I have daily interaction with my coursemates, supervisors etc. who are mostly males. I could fall in love every day.
But the fact is, I haven't fall in love to a single one. Usually I see them as non-sexual human beings. And, even if I find someone hot, it's still not enough to call it "falling in love". For years, many years I've been with my husband, and no one else interested me more than he did.
Until I met the "new" guy...
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It seems like maybe you tend towards men who need fixing, and yet, you cannot fix them (who can?).
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Actually I doubt it, I am not "Mother Theresa" type of person. And when I fell in love to "new" guy I didn't know his life history or anything at all. It's just my brains started to do tricks to me, which I can't explain.
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Maybe it would be good to be on your own and find a relationship with someone healthy. Although it does make me wonder at your marriage vows...don't you vow to take someone in sickness and in health? And your husband is sick with depression? Sorry, maybe that's just my personal feeling on it...I'm not against divorce, if you think it's truly irreconcilable. But I would suggest individual therapy so you do not seek out relationships with new men who need "fixing" too.
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Surely I feel sorry for my husband, it is not my intent to hurt him. But there are some differences between us, which might end up being irreconcilable. Although I could still give him a chance ( as I have given already many times).
As for the "new" guy he probably has even more issues than my husband has, and I am genuinely surprised that I have not only fallen in love to him, but also want him like crazy. This is an area where all sorts of logic ends.
I am aware of dangers that the "new" guy presents, therefore I don't really plan on serious relationships with him. Maybe to have some night stand with him, maybe even a child...
But of course it's not that easy or simple at all.