I have such a pain going on between my head and my heart and my rational part....for short moments i find peace with reality, then I'm back to wanting reality to prove to me it cares....I went to bed last night so hopeless and so full of fear for what I may do today in T....the solution I've come too is that I'm gonna say to T , If I asked you to hug me would you? If I asked you to sit next to me would you? If she says lets talk about why you ask these things I will know its all fake and time to go....