I wish I could talk about it here. I can't. It feels too...not anonymous. Because I post here a lot. And it just feels like...I'm not anonymous here anymore. It feels too much like a community. And I don't air my problems out in my community. Not the deep ones.

I wish I could talk to somebody about this though. I need a language for what happened to me last year, and why I felt / feel so badly about it. Sure, the pain has subsided. But it still bothers me sometimes when I am alone.

The thing is, I don't feel like a lot of people would understand. I don't know. My therapist doesn't. I mean, I don't feel safe talking about it with her. I don't feel held or safe (I'm looking for a new t). And the therapist I had before her, while, she DID get it, and was very concerned, but it also seemed like, she just wanted me to move on. So quickly. Believe me, I want to move on, too.