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I've stopped taking my meds slowly along the past few weeks.
Immediately I notice my hypersexuality - or not so immediately. On the meds, I feel about 10% sexual which is great. Being off of them brings back my desire and I start to look at everyone differently. Even people I wouldn't normally feel desire for. I tend to realize it after I'm home and had a chance to think. Then I beat myself up for flirting with someone at my job. And vow to be more aware to prevent anything sexual between a co-worker. Even if it's just a comment. I don't want to take that route mostly because I've had romances at almost every job I've ever had. So I want to change that.
I guess at work I feel like I have to try hard to be the opposite of what I am - negative, creative, introverted, sexually driven. I'm walking around trying to be friendly because I don't want to lose the job that pays my rent. But it leaves me exhausted. And I often take things too far. I'm constantly researching how to improve social skills because it does not come naturally to me.
Being in a long-term relationship obviously took care of my sexual tendencies. And now since breaking up 8 months ago I'm often too lonely. It's the longest I've ever gone without sex. I think it's mostly because of the meds. So I guess to achieve my goal of not having any office romances, I should continue taking them. I clearly still need to be on them. I just wonder for how long. And when I will finally be able to be okay, just like a straight line without needing them.
Babyyyy, did you forget to take your meds?
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