M.

I hope you have such a wonderful Christmas and New Year!!

I did go to Moms today. Wow!! [emoji15]. There are no words.

She brought up that Christmas that she always does and I just listened. When she finished her story to everyone listening, I didn’t even look at her. I just said, “I remember that Christmas.”

It totally stopped her in her tracks. She didn’t say anything else. Does she think that I don’t have that fragment in my mind? I don’t have an ending to it - I guess maybe she does.

When I told her that I remembered that Christmas she was silent.

I don’t know what to think of it.

Then.

She tells me to go to the north end bedroom, look in a box on the floor at the foot of the bed and there was a pillow in the box for me.

Ok.

I went and looked and there was a little pillow, still in the plastic bag it came in, and it has the saying,

“My little girl yesterday

My friend today,

my daughter forever.”

I’m sorry, but what in the hell is that supposed to mean?

What did she mean by sending me up there to get it out of a box, still in the plastic after she brought out that memory AGAIN??!!

Too much psychoanalyzing going on in my head right!!

The pillow is in the same category as the book!!

I can’t actually shred it into pieces and a small part of me doesn’t want to. It wants it to be true. That makes me mad!!

Man!! My brain can’t sort this out because it doesn’t work that way.

Sorry for the flip out. D even agrees that it wasn’t right.

So there’s that!! [emoji15]

That’s done so I’m putting it behind me until after the New Year.

I just have to find somewhere safe to put this [emoji51] pillow.