Quote:
Originally Posted by Delvere
As I explained in previous post, my husband seems to be more depressed than me, even though it should be other way round. My husband has had a stable home, both of his parents are still together, he has always been well fed and well dressed, lived in a secure place etc. Whereas my life has been a mess, where violence, poverty, unstability etc. took place. Many of my childhood friends are dead. I know hunger, which I experienced in childhood. I had nothing else to eat other than rice, which was brought by humanitarian help.
I can tell a lot of other things. Yet, for some reason I am not depressed to extent my husband is? I try my best to understand it. And I am impacted by my culture with negative attitudes to depressionm. Maybe that's why it's somewhat difficult to feel compassion to my husband.
I feel like I have achieved way more than he did, and I wish he also would strive for achievements and had the same fight spirit as I have. But he doesn't really, and it makes me to resent him.
Yes, sorry that I sounded offensive and rude. I am familiar with depression, I too have episodes of worthlessness, willingness to jump from the bridge etc. It's just I have a spirit of a fighter and a rebel, and this is why I don't give in to depression. But I can relate somewhat to those suffering from depression, yes, although I could do better.
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The severity of your depression has nothing to do with your upbringing or life experiences. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is why your husband experiences it worse than you do.
It doesn't matter how much "spirit of a fighter" you have. I am a fighter myself, been standing up for myself my whole life and fighting expectations and stereotypes, dealt with abuse and violence my whole life...my fighting spirit does nothing for me in the face of real depression.
You need to understand that depression is not just something you can fight out of or choose to not let affect you. For some people, when it is situational or environmentally based, yes, they can. But for those of us who have real chemical depression, meaning there is something wrong with our brain, it's not about lacking fight or motivation.
I don't think any culture smiles upon depression; and I don't think this is a cultural difference. This is the same stigma that those of us with depression experience all over the world...I'm not going to let it pass on a mental health forum where the intent is to support, not to further stigmatize.
As for the other things: I am not sure about your attraction based on both being indigenous peoples. I also agree with the other poster that it seems a little rash to feel like you want to have a child with someone. You say you are in school. How will you care for a child if you are a single mother?
If there are other irreconcilable differences with your husband, then maybe it is best to move on, but I would still say you need to get some professional help (like a therapist) so you learn how to identify and end up in a healthy relationship because your interest in this new guy and continued infatuation, even though you know he has all these problems, screams of wanting to enter into a relationship that is equally as unhealthy as your current relationship, and I do not see how you will get your needs met anymore out of this relationship than the previous.
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