I hope I can land this topic in this forum without it being moved. It involves sexual questions mostly, then mentioning porn, religion, relationships and schizoaffective.

When I was younger I got addicted to porn, I think as a manic way to handle my stress (I have schizoaffective disorder), and now I am in recovery for porn addiction. I have a girlfriend, and we occasionally have sex. But I'm joining church where their (and my) convictions are to stay sexually pure until marriage. That would mean no masturbation or porn, no sex with the girlfriend, in other words no illicit sex until marriage.

I've got a desire to be as spiritual as anyone else, and I don't follow traditional religious views because I think my spiritual experience is beyond religion. But I have my own convictions of staying pure, too, until marriage. But the sexual urges get too difficult to control. So I constantly violate my own convictions because I can't figure out how to give up sex.

You might say, "Then marry her," but she works and I am disabled, with lots of expensive meds, and she is a little afraid of not being able to take care of me. Marrying screws with my insurance, and neither of us are crazy about messing with that. I do love her. And she loves me.

Why is life so hard? There doesn't seem to be a solution.