Oh wow, thanks for such helpful replies everyone, I felt a bit vulnerable posting this but glad I did.

Compassionate abiding makes perfect sense, thanks for that link Skeez.

Mickey, thanks for identifying with this, it can be an uncomfortable feeling, hope the replies are helping you too.

Eve, what you write about absorbing oneself in our own interests is definitely a good idea, I have done this before, and think my relapse is linked to dropping out of a few old interests.

FallDuskTrain, thanks for sharing your experience too, I would imagine it must have been a defining time in your life for you to live alone like that. I do volunteer (two projects currently) and do get a lot of fulfilment out of those, they did definitely help.