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Originally Posted by seesaw
The severity of your depression has nothing to do with your upbringing or life experiences. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is why your husband experiences it worse than you do.
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Yes, it is something my therapists were explaining too. Makes to wonder about it - is depression in classification matters like headache? There are situational or "enviromentally" based headaches (tension related, sinusitis headaches etc.) and then there are those related to some imbalances in brains (migraine etc.). Similarily like you stated about depression.
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You need to understand that depression is not just something you can fight out of or choose to not let affect you. For some people, when it is situational or environmentally based, yes, they can. But for those of us who have real chemical depression, meaning there is something wrong with our brain, it's not about lacking fight or motivation.
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It's like headaches, I guess. One person without headaches will barely understand another person, who constantly suffers from headaches.
And also the types of headaches can be different. For example, I sometimes suffer from sinusitis headaches, but I can easily make them absent from my life with the help of pills (or surgery). Even though I got the picture what headaches mean, I still barely can relate to or truly understand someone, who suffers from migraines, and to whom actually almost nothing helps. I feel sorry for them, yes, but I don't know what to do with them, how to correctly speak with them etc.
And so in similar fashion, even though I generally understand what depression means, it's not easy for me to truly understand someone, who suffers from depression caused by chemical imbalance in brains, like it seems to be the case of my husband. I just seemingly can't hit on right notes, I don't know how to motivate and persuade him etc. It's quite draining for me. And so I feel stuck in our relationships and life in general.
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I don't think any culture smiles upon depression; and I don't think this is a cultural difference. This is the same stigma that those of us with depression experience all over the world...I'm not going to let it pass on a mental health forum where the intent is to support, not to further stigmatize.
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I have met people from my country of origins who don't even believe that depression exists. The stigma can be this strong to the point of denial.
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As for the other things: I am not sure about your attraction based on both being indigenous peoples.
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Our attraction isn't based on us both being indigenous peoples. If that was the case, I must have been attracted to dozens of other men I met, because they are of the same ethnic group...I can tell you, that several of them tried to hit on me, but I showed them no interest. Only the "new" guy interested me, and he actually was among the ones, who didn't try to hit on me! It's only after the trip back at home when we opened feelings each to other.
I don't know why I am attracted to the "new" guy so much. I feel like it's a coincidence that he happens to belong to same group of peoples as me.
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I also agree with the other poster that it seems a little rash to feel like you want to have a child with someone. You say you are in school. How will you care for a child if you are a single mother?
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I am actually already graduating university within few months and I plan for the second child anyways. I live in European country with well developed social security system, so I will receive financial support during my maternity leave. After that I can go to work and I believe I can get a work with my education. I have skills that are quite much sought after.
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If there are other irreconcilable differences with your husband, then maybe it is best to move on, but I would still say you need to get some professional help (like a therapist) so you learn how to identify and end up in a healthy relationship because your interest in this new guy and continued infatuation, even though you know he has all these problems, screams of wanting to enter into a relationship that is equally as unhealthy as your current relationship, and I do not see how you will get your needs met anymore out of this relationship than the previous.
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Surely you are right that I need therapist, and I have already arranged visit that will be after few months only (sigh).
Maybe I am not that interested in relationships after all. Maybe just being a single woman with children will do enough for me. It's a slippery road on it's own, though. In such case good work with decent salary is very important.