Has anyone heard of or experience a love addiction? I've been stuck in this same vicious cycle for the past 5 years, where I become infatuated with someone that I think will somehow fill this void in me. It's almost as if I feel that I would die without that person? And due to childhood trauma and attachment issues, I tend to seek out people who are emotionally unavailable so I always end up hurt. A lot of the time it is reciprocal at first but then something happens and they lose interest which hooks me even more and I'm just left pining for the person until the next infatuation comes in.

It's basically this twisted fantasy I have and every person is merely the placeholder. It's come to a point where it's just ridiculous. I am aware of my actions and how it has nothing to do with the person but emotionally, I'm still attached. It's this addiction I have to infatuation. It somehow is the only thing that fulfills me. When the infatuation dies down and I don't have contact, I begin feeling very alone and the void becomes noticeable again. No matter how hard I try, I'm so stuck on this idea that romantic love will fix me. Intellectually, I've always known that belief to be bogus but emotionally, I feel like my only meaning in life is to love and devote my all to somebody. I'm somehow not able to do it for myself.

Is the void innate? Or is it because I haven't learned to fully love myself yet? Does everyone feel a void inside? Or do neurotypicals not experience that?