I got lucky the first time with longtime (12 years) T. I think my parents got a referral from my pediatric practice (I was 16). I felt an instant connection to her.

Current T, I also got lucky with, but in a different way. We didn't connect right away - and are still working on establishing a connection (been seeing her since the end of October, 15 sessions). I think it's partially that I've had trouble divulging my secrets and being unable to open myself up enough emotionally to connect (or spending so much time dissociating in session that she can't reach me). We are starting to have our moments, though. Although we are still working to connect emotionally, I do feel that she has shown herself to be a nonjudgemental and trustworthy person with helpful insights. I feel she is a good fit for me even though we don't have the instant chemistry that I had with my longtime T. I found her on psych today by filtering my search to target my primary issue, then looking at the profiles and personal websites of the resulting list of therapists. I know that I'm more comfortable talking to someone who is my senior by at least 15 years. I also prefer people with a lot of experience (current T has over 30 years, longtime T had maybe 15 when we first started). So I kept those requirements in mind when searching for my current T. Our first meeting was hard, and I think it was particularly stressful because it's impossible not to compare her to longtime T. That first session was a bit of a shock to my system because I'd become accustomed to operating with the benefit of strong rapport. However, instead of despairing because I didn't feel an instant connection, I stuck it out in hopes that things would improve. And they have, slowly but surely. I think in time, I will be able to feel a quality connection to my current T. I guess I'm saying that hope isn't lost, but it's also important to not expect/demand an instant connection. Those don't always happen, and it doesn't mean a T isn't a good fit.