EV, I think you should show your T this thread. Sometimes communication between two ppl is such that the other may not fully understand what you're really asking, and really needing.

I think your T most likely believes you, or she probably would have confronted you about what she didn't believe.

What kd said about memory is right, though, and it's not "tricky." I understand what her T meant by it because I've taken classes and done some independent learning about the nature of memory. One good way of understanding that comes from a quote by a cognitive psychologist who studies memory. Here's the quote from a paper I wrote as a student:

Kihlstrom (1994) attributes the normal forgetting of traumas to the constructive nature of memory: “memory is not so much like reading a book as it is like writing one from fragmentary notes (p341).”

Basically, cognitive psychologists understand that memory is constructive... that we sort of piece together our memories from little bits of information that we have. The accuracy of memory is affected by a LOT of different things, including even our current mood. But the overall feeling and meaning of a memory is basically intact. Nobody- NOBODY- has a memory that's infallible or completely "accurate." So, in essence, the exact facts aren't as important in therapy as your experience of those facts. Make sense?

Anyway, EV, I know you're not asking about memory per se, but about yoru experience of feeling "split" as they say it. IMNSHO, I think that split is just as literal as if your body had cracked into pieces, or at least had some really deep wounds that separated some flesh from other flesh. But it's sometimes not as easy to see and demonstrate. In the case of DID, it's a bit more apparent and more pronounced. However, it's your experience of it that matters, and if your T is any good as a trauma T, she knows that. And she knows that splitting is a common response to early trauma. If she doesn't, find a new T, cause she's not equipped for working with you! But I suspect that she does understand more than you know.

I hope you will talk with her very specifically and directly, and try several times if needed. Communication is a funny thing and two people never have the same understanding of or recollection of a conversation (kind of the same deal as memory).

I hope my ramblings have made some sense.