my dad is the only one who understands & is supportive. my other family members want to blame the way i am on my husband but as much as an *** he can be he wasnt around when i was in early childhood & started to self medicate with food & eventually acohol sex with different guys & drugs. all of these looking back were part of manic sprees with awful depression mixed in. when i was first diagnosed a bp1 i was like dunno thought i was just depressed with periods of "craziness" but i now know its very real. my recent manic spells during past few years have involved some really off the wall behavior & also ive had someone outside of my family saying they really think i need to be on bp meds. she just confided her daughter is bp1 & takes several meds so she must have saw my moods & think im bp1. ive thought alot about this also & i think its so hard for family members cuz they might feel guilt about not getting their kids help early on or feeling like they failed their kids. my brother is also exactly like me except he gets violent with his mania. i feel sorry for my mom & grandma cuz theyve been thru so much with us & deep down they probably look back & see where we needed help. i feel guilt also for things ive put them thru cuz they tried everything they could to make sure we had a good childhood & i feel like weve just crapped on them in later life. i now know i have an illness, need meds to stabililze it, & have to do things on my part like stay away from alcohol drugs try to make healthy choices like exercise & go to church & steer very clear of certain toxic people. i just hope & pray my brother would see this and get the drugs law prison out of his life & get help he needs.