i haven't really had this in the past but this christmas i've had it. with my mental illnesses i'm not in a bad space, but i feel very disconnected from my family and don't enjoy being with them. i don't feel like i love them or want to be close to them. i keep imagining what my therapist or dr might be doing for christmas and whether in their families things are as uncomfortable, or whether they are all nice and loving and everything is alright - because in the therapeutic relationship, i guess, the therapist is there to play the "everything is alright" role.

like i know everyone has their troubles and family troubles, but i keep imagining they must be having a more "functional" family holiday, or being happier or something.