Quote:
Originally Posted by tecomsin
Thank you for posting this thread too xRavenx. I relate to a lot of what you have been posting recently but haven't had the clarity and the fortitude to post directly about it. I'm also sinking into a big swamp of regret and have been doing so since i left a maximum security forensic unit a few months ago. I've never had trouble with the law before and now am in lots of it, so lots to regret. I am really terrified by some of the things that I did and my lack of appreciation for how abnormal that was, how other people would see those actions and words, and what the consequences were likely to be. I had no appreciation for the consequences and now I am left to pick up the pieces of my lonely life. I don't even want company today... Christmas alone.
One thing about being imprisoned was that it shortened my focus to what I was going to do to get through the day, the today day, and as a result I actually felt ok because I wasn't worrying about the future, just about today. Of course I was still in the grips of a delusional belief system and as that belief system has fallen away I am now just a sick, sick person rather than the grandiose important focus of my delusions.
My sleep is also kind of messed up and ever since chemotherapy, and the neuropathy I got from that I have felt a kind of disconnect from my body so it is difficult to get moving when i am not manic.
I crave energy and clarity of thought and company I can trust and get along with. But I also spend most time alone and have very little tolerance for other people, it is just my cat and me today.
I think the best one can hope for is to try to live in the present and focus on making this moment the best it can be.
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Thanks for sharing your story.

I really hope that you feel better. You've been through a lot of challenges. You're so right....it has to be day by day. I have been worrying too much about the future and get so stuck in the past. Finding that middle ground would be nice.
I guess we can only do our best each day. We did not sign up to have BP and are only human. I really hope your physical health improves as well. That's really challenging.

I'm trying not to let BP cripple me and take action, while at the same time, trying to accept this illness and my limitations. This is very, very hard.