Back to your situation: I know how you feel. When I finished graduate school, my father and grandparents refused to come to the ceremony, they also refused to come to my graduate ceremony when I finished my undergraduate degree. I had always worked really hard to achieve good grades and to achieve success.

My brother, on the other hand, was a drug addict all through high school who threatened to kill me every day and was violent and abusive towards me. He is one of my abusers and part of the reason I have complex PTSD.

When he finally got his life together and went to trade school and was graduating, my grandparents not only went to his ceremony, my dad forced me to go (I realize now I could have just said no, but I felt forced and out of control at the time) for which I had to give up time at work, get the time off work approved, and fly cross country to do so, and my grandparents paid for a celebration dinner at a nice restaurant for him.

He had nearly killed me, I don't know how many times. And yet I was forced to celebrate his accomplishment of graduating from a trade school at 27. This was after they declined to come to either of my graduations.

This was nothing unusual though. My accomplishments were often treated as secondary because I was a girl. My grandparents and parents would often try to build my brothers up by tearing me down, telling them that I was just "book smart" and that they were "street smart." For a long time I believed that ********, except I know it's not true. And it was wrong of them to suggest such when it was only a ploy to make my brothers feel better, by saying that I was not "street smart" when there was no evidence that I was not. I was plenty street smart. I managed to live through that violent household without getting killed right? So I must have some knowledge of how to read people and manipulate them so they won't kill me.

I think all that you can do is express to your father how it makes you feel that he clearly puts so much time into doing things for your sister, and yet doesn't seem to show you the same care. He can listen or not listen. But at least you will have aired your feelings.

I think the other thing you can do, which is what I have done, is start saying no. I no longer have any contact with my abusive brother. I will not be forced to have a relationship with someone who tried to molest me and kill me every day of my childhood and then thinks that simply because he stopped using drugs that he's absolved of guilt. My family can ignore what he did all they want, doesn't mean I have to. So you can start saying "no" to your dad when he asks for help wrapping your sister's gifts. Or planning your sister's wedding and other stuff. This appears to be an unhealthy dynamic in your family, so drawing boundaries, while it won't change the dynamic, will protect you from the dynamic. Remember that, boundaries aren't going to change the dynamic, only protect you from it.

Just don't let your boundaries go so far they don't let you to enjoy celebrating with your sister. Protect yourself though. It's clearly needed.

Seesaw