I am having some serious concerns that I need to see if anyone else has experienced. I have had a stressful 5 months, I moved, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune skin disease called hidradenitis suppurativa, and fell into a pit of anxiety/depression. It feels as though I am stuck in a loop because I am sure many of the symptoms I feel are from my anxiety, but once I latch onto a thought it's like I can't let it go.

I have been in a relationship for 4 years and we had been living together for almost 3 years when I had to move back home due to health concerns. Ever since then I feel like I can't connect with people. I can't feel love or connection and I feel like a monster. I don't know if this is a symptom of anxiety or depression or what is happening to me but I literally cannot remember what happiness or love feels like at this point and I am so frustrated because I know that I do love these people because nothing has actually changed other than my perceptions i suppose.

I should also mention that I quit smoking marijuana around the time these symptoms of anxiety/depression started. Everything in my romantic relationship and family relationships were great prior to this, and I just can't understand why I suddenly can't feel anything. Is it because I am so focused on it? Is it because I really am a monster? Am I losing my mind? Am I just so stuck in my head that it will never be possible for me to get better? I used to be so confident in what i wanted- a career, kids, marriage- and since this all started I have these thoughts that none of that can ever happen for me since I can't feel connection anymore. I feel so bad because my boyfriend and family have been so supportive the last few months and I have just been faking a lot of my emotions just to not alarm anyone. The only thing that has gotten me by is the thought that actually crazy people don't realize they are crazy, so I'm probably not actually going crazy.

I should also mention that I have been unable to see a psychologist due to insurance but I also will not take any antidepressant or anti anxiety medication due to a bad allergic reaction I experienced to an antibiotic I was on for my skin. I am all for natural remedies and have been wanting to try CBD oil as I have heard it has done wonders for other people and this all started after I quit smoking marijuana, which I know greatly affects the limbic system where our emotions are housed. Has anyone else tried CBD oil or experienced what I am going though? I just want my life back and I want to be able to genuinely tell my boyfriend how much I love him and my family I love them without this annoying anxiety in the back of my mind that was never there before.