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Dec 25, 2017, 06:49 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking
I... dont know where to start, i just need to get things out....
- during this last week, after months of silence, an old friend (we were almost a couple but he rejected me before it started) contacted me again because he needed to talk about his gf. i listened and helped him as i could... i was mostly giving than receiving, but i did it because i think he's a good person and he made me feel wise and i liked it. then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. maybe he made peace with his gf, but right now i feel used. i dont want anything back from him, i wouldnt even want him as a bf now, but i was expecting at least his Christmas wishes, but he barely answered mine. i feel USED!
- this year i was hired in a new place and i thought i made friends with a lot of my colleagues, but none of them sent me their wishes. and after i sent my wishes to them and other old friends, only half of them answered. so not only they forgot me, they even ignore me. i feel so INVISIBLE and ALONE.
- my brother came back home (he lives 45 min away by car) and 1) he didnt come to church (i dont believe either, but i went to make my parents happy - why cant he?); 2) he wants us to go to his place to celebrate. i know this is not too much to ask, but i needed at least 1 day spent at home and i feel my needs and wishes are always ignored by family because others' are more important than mine; and 3) he's still sleeping while we should start lunch and my parents do and say nothing as always. because he's always the most important thing here.
- my last T session went wrong and now i feel abandoned by T too or hurt and mad at her and i want to quit, but at the ame time i feel abandoned, alone and left alone with my feelings.
i feel SO hurt, mad and sad. and i was... i dont know, i had hoped for a better Christmas but its one of the most lonely. i know i have people around me, but nobody seems to see me.
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It feels easy to gang up on ourselves when we have so many emotions about so many things in a short period. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling about any of this. The only support I can offer is somewhat depressing, but it was helpful once, so I'll offer it, and take it with a grain of salt...You seem to become disappointed because you expect things of people. You expected your co-workers to wish you a merry Christmas, you expect your brother to do things, you expect your parents to behave differently...if you stop expecting people to do things, then you won't be disappointed...although, I think we should be able to believe in, trust, and expect certain things at the very least from our families...although many of us on here cannot expect any thing from our families. I know I cannot.
I am with you in spirit. And spirits! Got my glass of wine while I eat my Christmas dinner alone.
I know how you feel. Keep working with your T and eventually you will gain some control over your emotions.
Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?
Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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