I do find the headlines triggering, but sort of for a different reason. They upset me because I will never be able to confront my abuser, who was my brother. There was not sexual abuse, although he did try. But there was plenty of physical abuse, which they witnessed and ignored. My mother claims not to recall anything when I bring up certain things that he did, and there is no way I could mention them to my dad. He does not believe anything bad ever happened in our family, and the things that did were certainly minor.

I remember growing up around him and having to try and control situations so that he wouldn't kill me or at the least, beat me. He was a drug addict at the time, and seems to not remember or not care that he behaved this way. He thinks everything should be all fine between us.

I cannot behave that way. I cannot pretend like I wasn't affected by his abuse. That it didn't scare me to death growing up with a monster in the room next to me. A monster who regularly threatened to kill me and physically abused me.

But who would listen? No one. No one cares, and no one will listen. So my abuser still has power because I cannot give a voice to my pain or a name to my monster.

I am glad these women are finally able to come forward and name their abusers. But it makes me sad and upset that I can never do so.

Seesaw